Ugly in the morning

 

Round 2 has been harder than round 1. And, as expected, my hair started falling out. The handful above may not look like much, but every, single time I ran my fingers through my hair, this was the result. 

To save my sanity, our drains, and to maintain one last ounce of control, we shaved the rest of it off last night.

Round 2 started out ok. Chemo day and the day after were pretty much fine, but by Friday things got much harder. I felt like I was bruised over my entire upper body- scalp to abdomen. It hurt to the touch. I had a lot of nausea, and many  foods tasted bad. Maybe “bad” is inaccurate- they tasted “wrong”, or just bland. I can’t tell you how excited I was when Brant made me a vanilla milkshake and it actually tasted like a vanilla milkshake! Last night I had a salad with a flavorful Italian vinaigrette from a crappy chain restaurant, and it may have been the best salad I’ve ever had BECAUSE I COULD TASTE IT!!! I had nightmares 2 nights, and uncontrolled (in spite of all of the meds) anxiety yesterday. Perhaps the most distressing side effect has been a lot of lightheadedness and high heart rates. I have been having a great deal of difficulty going from low to high positions. For example, I will probably always do my lymphedema prevention exercises, and some are done on a pillow on the floor. I sat up from the pillow, the world went gray, and my heart rate shot up to 140. That was an extreme version, but lesser incidents have been a constant for the last couple of days. Lying to sitting, sitting to standing, picking things up from the floor, and worst of all, climbing the stairs… all of these normal, every day actions have been extremely challenging and uncomfortable, and a bit scary.

On top of all of the “big” side effects, there are small ones. I’m tired. Every part of my body is extremely dry, yet my skin is breaking out. My eyes are irritated. My nose bleeds every time I blow it. My lips are chapped. My face is sunken even though I’ve gained weight. I have some nausea all the time. I have certain meds I’m supposed to take on certain days, and one of them causes nightmares. Not quite the level of terror and confusion I had with the steroids, but still not awesome. My ears ring. Basically, I just look and feel like shit.

On the bright side, I do seem to be feeling better today. I spoke with the oncology pharmacist about adjusting my meds to maybe make the next round a little easier. I’ve still managed to maintain my 10,000 steps/day streak on even my worst days (which was a lot harder than it sounds on Saturday and Sunday…), and I’m eating. I am hopeful (🤞)  that the worst of round 2 is behind me, and that I’m on an upswing until next week… when we start it all over again.